Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Hello my fine feathered friends. It's time to change up ze journal!


(image made by ____les_fab... I think)

( A little explanation... )

Well, my children, it would seem that the day of reckoning is upon us. I, for one, have seen it coming so I guess it shouldn't be any surprise.

And come on, this is SO not global warming. This is God raining down retribution upon the heads of the wicked! Duh! Oh, Jerry Fallwell, where would I be without your wisdom guiding me?

Now that I've stopped gagging from actually flattering Falwell, I will say that this rain is pretty fucking psychotic. And it's happening up and down the coast. Seriously God, double-yoo tee eff? Is this just to cap off the crap that was Katrina? "I took out the South, now the North must pay"?

I'm kind of getting freaked out... Bush is still in office, Arnold is a govenator, gas prices are fucking us all, the weather has gone batshit crazy, the middle east is going batshit crazier, Cheney shot someone in the face and no one CARED, people are actually thinking it's plausible to build a wall between Mexico and the USA, and Brangelina made thousands of dollars for letting someone take a picture of their baby. I live in the fucking matrix and I DO NOT APPROVE.

In other news, I stole a swingline stapler from my work to cheer myself up. In all fairness, they were going to throw it away, so I was like totally in the right.

And if you need to ask me why swingline staplers deserve to be stolen... then I need to ask YOU why we're friends. Or, if we're not friends, why you're reading my eljay. Stalker.

But seeing day turn night in a matter of minutes didn't really help brighten my day, surprisingly. Neither did nearly hydroplaning all the way home and seeing a field/creek become a lake/raging river. Scary.

I'm actually trying to capitalize in this entry. Yay!

Uh... my thought processes are really jumpy today. It may have to do with the fact that I've been feeling quite down for unknown reasons and have had noooo clue as to what to do with myself. I've decided to start exercising... because of what I named the "trasitive property of exercise" i.e. exercise leads to raised endorphines leads to less depression leads to less anxiety. Because apparently anxiety attacks and depression are related.

Good lot that did me though because I had a full out panic attack due to driving through this crazy ass thunderstorm last week. Melissa got to see me in full swing of it, which I'm sure was pleasant. I haven't had one in so long... I just don't know how it got triggered so strongly and randomly. Le sigh.

Iiiiin other news... I've watched so many fucking movies that it is pure insanity. And because I'm bored and can't turn on my tv since mother is sleeping, I shall list them! For that is what I do.

MOVIES I HAVE WATCHED SINCE SCHOOL GOT OUT:
A boring list by Krista

~ A Clockwork Orange (creepy yet pretty fucking cool. Oh, Stanly Kubrick. You are a fucking weirdo.)
~ Monster (2nd most disturbing scene I have ever seen in a movie. If you don't want to be afriad of being raped... don't watch this. Or A Clockwork Orange, actually. Both have scarred me)
~ Dorian Blues (cute Indie gay film. It was very cute. And well written. And... uh... cute. Cute cute cute. Yay robot/train dance!)
~ The Edukators (German movie about teaching the rich OLD SCHOOL STYLE! It was especially fun while Anna and I had the movie on a weird screen selection and couldn't see the subtitles save when there were two lines of them, making us believe that only selected sentences were translated. Luckily, we were quite wrong.)
~ The Breakup (Pretty damn stupid with a lot of bickering. Jason Bateman made an appearance though... so it was worth it.)
~ The Omen (DUM-DA-DUM-DUM... DUUUMB. I was freaked out during individual parts and the nanny lady was very freaky, but the orcish/sith-lord priest guy with the wacky eye who wrote "cervute" or whatever was way too funny. Oh, and "You can find it... on a MAP!" And "Bugenhagen!" Soooo funny)
~ Slutty Summer (aka "Sex and the City for gay men!" It was not like sex and the city at aaaaaall. Unless the cast of Sex and the City was completely composed of former, out-of-work porn stars, filmed with a camera from the 80's in someone's backyard, and written by severly mentally-impaired monkeys. No, that's an insult to monkeys. Sorry.)
~ High School Musical (only good thing about this was when Anna, Mel and I decided to throw an impromptu dance party at the end! Oh, and mocking everyone in the movie too of course. Oh, Disney Channel Original movies. You sadden me.)
~ Capote (good but long and sometimes I had a hard time understanding Philip Seymore Hoffman. Oh, and I found the whole murder scene very disturbing.)
~ Pride and Prejudice (the miniseries was about 102093748215697236519038 times better. The cast was very good but the script adaptation was shittilicious. And there was a bunch of scenes of people just staring off into space while looking pensive instead of using Jane Austin's brilliant writing to make the movie actually good. Gosh.)
~ Bridget Jone's Diary (I liked it a lot. Oh, and something else missing from P and P? COLIN FUCKING FIRTH. He is da shiznit.)



Aaaaanyhowzen, there's that. I am so friggin bored.

The chior tour concert is tonight... which I am declining to attend. There'll be a lot of those "Oh, why didn't you go?" "Oh, haven't seen you lately." "Oh, so your a heathen now?" type things. Oh, and the chior didn't sing at a church because they gave a gay-friendly sermon and that just did not fly with a lot of the parents. So what did they do during said sermon? Why, walked out of course! Because Christianity is at the forefront of tolerance. Dear LORD that makes me fucking ill. Because Jesus said so much about homosexuality... oh wait, no he didn't! Huh. And here I was, thinking this was the most vital issue facing our religion today. Silly me. Silly, silly, silly.

Enough of this tom-foolery. I'm going to write some ranty articles for the magazine Keri may or may not create. Woo!

HAPPY 64TH BIRTHDAY PAUL!! marry me?



... i figured it was worth a shot to ask. and yeah, i'm 2 days late, but does it really matter?


i live! and i am back from branson, MO. it was a silly place. apparently, it is considered "the nashville of missouri". so basically, it's nashville without dolly parton. i didn't really miss her.

( onward if you want to read a bunch of crap about hillbillies and singing magicians... )

if anyone read all that... it will be almost as impressive as when people actually read everything i wrote about france.

life here in MD has been decent. the week laurie died was... tough, to say the least. but in the end i feel like it was a bit of a growing experience for me... seing as this is the first time i didn't go into shut-down denial-mode when someone close to me died. i guess all those people pushing being mature and dealing with feelings may have had a point after all.

work is joyflly dull... i can feel my brain just shutting down. it's awesome. however, i have been writing A LOT. even thought i feel about 85% of it blows the big one. but 85% is better than 100% so it's all good.

i've also been hanging out with anna and mel about every day we can, which is good because it's forcing me to not be anti-social, something i've come to realize that i do much too often. i've also stopped being so stubborn and actually watch movies that perhaps i would prefer not to... except for the first omen. i actually saw the remake (it scared me as i watched it but upon reflection i found it stupid... it doesn't help that i laughed at it a lot as well while watching it).

i've watched so many movies over the past couple of weeks... crazy ones, well-known ones, very unknown ones, foreign films, and independent movies. and ever after. i'll never stop liking that movie.

anyway, life has been chock-full of weirdness, summer-time past times, graduation parties, eating, and being lazy. i like it and hopefully i'll be ready to start school again in the fall.

and, as usual, there's always transferring. bwahahaha.

greetings! i come from the land of NO ULCERS! that is right! i am ulcer-free and polyp-free! meaning my stomach is vastly less messed up than previously thought. so, as long as my biopsies come back negative as far as celiac disease goes then i shall be in the clear.

so my various oscopies went well... i got really freaked out when they were hooking me up to a million machines... but i think that anxiety came from watching too much grey's anatomy where even a routine procedure turns HORRIBLE every episode. but i survived and woke up feeling like i had just taken a nap... with invasive tubing going into my body as i slumbered.

BUT. all is well. wednesday was horrid with the preperatory crap... i couldn't eat and had to "clean out my system" to give you a lovely image. and lovely it was. lovely indeed.

i almost kept my hostipal bracelet on as a sort of kickass fashion statement... then i realized that it said "COLON" in huge letters on it so i decided against that little idear. i'll need to get a really cool surgery and then keep THAT bracelet as a fashion statement. like... "triple bipass surgery" or "brain transplant". yeah. that would be sweet.


now that THAT experience is done with (and hopefully not to be repeated until i am at least 50) and being home permanently, i feel like i can actually get into some semblance of a schedule. yay!

work has been work so far.... as in incredibly boring bordering on insanity. luckily it's providing me with a lot of time to think. since, you know, i don't obsess over shit enough already. but i think it's probably good for my writing since i get to stew over ideas and get it ready in my mind before writing it down. my entries will probably be more interesting as well, since i have about no outlet for my creativity... because it's so BURSTING at the seams.

so far being home has been pretty cool. i've hung out with anna and mel quite a bit... the highlights being hanging out with annabelle's rents and playing games in which joanne got massively confused... and watching figure it out (the ole 90's nick show) with guest star richard simmons! terrifying. the man is TERRIFYING.

i also have been very fam-oriented (don't you like my super trendy abbreviations? aka my sup-trend abbr.s) and saw the da vinci code as a belated mother's day dealie. it was pretty good... i wasn't bored at all. i don't really know what all the critics were talking about. oh well.

my mom also took me shopping and i actually found shit i like. so we ended up buying ALL this stuff which (of course) made me incredibly nervous and i kept asking mom if it was ok. i swear, i'm way too paranoid about these things.

i've decided that i'm not going to be worried about money. i'm going to be conscious of it, but i refuse to let it rule my life. so FUCK THE MAN! you don't own me. suck on this, responsible adulthood! nya.

on that note... i've decided to become... A LUMBERJACK.


i really had nothing to say there and i figured monty python lines are good fillers in any circumstance thrown your way.

keri has basically gotten a dog... technically it's amanda's but since she and keri are living together it is basically keri's too. it is a psychotic little mini doberman pincher named figarro who runs around like he's on crack and can jump about 4 feet in the air. i'm not a big fan of dobermans so i wasn't very thrilled about the development. dobermen? whatever.

so keri also forced me to watch american idol... which was horrifying. taylor hicks is a giant douche. actually... that show is composed wholly of giant douches. do you know what the truly TERRIFYING thing is? more people voted him to be the next american idol than ANY U.S. PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY! when ryan seacrest said that (the douchiest of the douches) i almost cried. i declared that i was moving and i hated the united states and all americans and promptly changed the channel to the history channel.

travel channel, comedy central, and history channel are my saviors.

oooh, i have to share this conversation:

dad: cindy, you'll never guess who contacted me!
mom: who?
dad: *says some jewish guy's name from college*
mom: oh, really?
dad: yeah, and then through HIM *another jewish guy's name* contacted me!
keri: wow, dad, you really like the jew-boys.
mom: well, half of UMASS (university of massachusettes) was jewish.
dad: yeah, i think *first jew-boy* is gay.
mom: seriously?
dad: yeah, remember? he was friends with *says another jewish guy's name* who i think was gay too.
me: so your whole group of friends in college was full of gay-boys?
keri: JEWISH gay-boys.
dad: yes, yes, yes. *singing* i like jew-boys, i like gay-boys... *to me and keri* you take THAT one to the grave.

of course, daddy... of course.

GREETINGS. wow, it's been too long since i've actually written anything of substance in here. instead i just tease; giving you juicy tidbits and then LETTING YOU HANG LIKE A CATHOLIC DURING OLIVER CROMWELL'S RULE! oh, historically relevent jokes. how i heart thee.

so! from france i have come. i guess this necessitates and super-long-ridiculously-detailed entry o-death.... and who am i to ignore necessity?


WARNING: procede only if you want to read a lot.

soooo....
( come with me if you want to live. )

so i started work today and that was grandly boring. as long as i can stretch stuff out, it goes okay. i'm excited to be home for an extended period of time and hopefully this summer will go well. i'm thinking it will and things such as going to the beach with my wives, visiting richmond, and seeing spamalot makes me think that my thinking is correct. yaaaaay.

ok, that was way too much writing... even for me. my brain is fried. my apologies for my rampant misspelling and grammar errors but i can't be fucked to care right now.

adeui, my pets. adeui.

I AM IMPERVIOUS TO IT! BWAHAHAHA! i've been up since 5:30 paris time... aka 11:30 last night our time. how do i feel? FANTASTIC.

actually, that's a lie. i'm completely exhausted and am incapable of coherent speech or thought. yay! i will survive. i'm forcing myself to stay up for 24 hours since technically i have never done that before. we'll see if i make it.

oh, right, paris... i fear a en detaille description is going to have to wait until i grow back a few dozen brain cells. or more. or less. whatever works.

anyhowzen, just letting the world know that i live. come monday, i will be a slave to the man again. le sigh.

ok, the incoherency grows and grows. adeui children.

hey all. yes, i am in france. no, i have not died yet. yes, these keyboards are fucking impossible because there are about 9 million extra letters and the organization is all screwy. but kirsten and i got here safely and we are now chilling in an internet cafe, using up our time that we bought. how freaking parisian are we, yo. anyhow, i'm going to allow kirsten to take the helm once more because i am tired of feeling retarded on this keybard. oh, the french. you make things so difficult for silly little american me.

in my efforts to be angstzilla in my last entry, i completely forgot that keri came and visited that weekend. and now i'm home. and now i don't even really have anything to say because i feel tired and gross but i leave for france tomorrow so if i don't update now i will have to do an evil/enormous update of doom.

so the weekend keri came was fun, exams went alright, and coming home was good. i went back to jamoo for amanda and scott's graduation so that was grandious. and now i'm just spazzing out about leaving tomorrow.

this is going to be pretty short... anyways, if you want me to send you a postcard (or, you know, pretend that giving me your address will actually mean that i'll send you something however unlikely that may be seeing as i have alzheimers and can't remember diddly squat compounded with the fact that i'll be in such a tizzy about being in le france that i won't care about your sorry asses) give me your address! it'll be fun. trust me.

so bascially that's it. i've converted melissa to LOST upon our reuniting yesterday and it was glorious. it was a crazy weekend but anything about that will be on a friends-protected post later... and by "later" i mean "never" because i am way too lazy to try and actually update for real. so maybe i'll just pretend.

sooooo that's it kids. sort of. THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GETTING ANYWAYS! MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH.


i like pretending that people actually care.

long time no update...

after writing like... 5 different entries, some of which were way too emo, others being fake and peppy, i've decided to just scrap them and start over!

i'm officially DONE WITH SPANISH! yes, the clouds are parting! the angels are singing! no more conjugations or trying not to read out loud with an italian accent. oh, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles. i also finished my last paper of the semester!

i am also done with speculative fiction! well, i still have the exam and i have to finish reading the fucking graphic novel (blah) but i don't have to sit through that class EVER AGAIN. did i skip my last class of this semester? YUP. bwahahaha.

needless to say, i'm not sad to end the classes from this semester. though i did become fond of the morons in my spanish class (hilaaaarious) and making fun of blah blah in psychology... but overall the classes this semester were pointless and i just don't give a fuck anymore.

sooooooo life is life right now. i've been incredibly useless and excited about going home. i haven't been able to function as of late becuase i can't think of what to do with myself. i feel like i'm vibrating from excitement yet i still feel sad about the fact that next year is going to be different. me and christine talked for like... 2 hours thursday night. yes, she was intoxicated when we started but it ended up being a really nice conversation. she told me that she loved me and she would really miss living with me next year and i was the best roommate ever... and that she wasn't just saying that.

it really did mean a lot to me and i feel bad that i never really got to know her better. i dunno... it's such a mixed bag of emotions. i mean, i'm actually going to MISS some of the crap from this year. well, i don't miss last semester at all, but this semester has been pretty big for me.

i just hate change...


i talked to kirsten friday night about being afriad that i would keep holding on to the people i loved after they had stopped holding on to me. i got this huge urge to cry and i just had to sit there and convince myself that it wasn't true. i just get this sinking feeling that i'm going to keep caring but they're just not. there's no real basis behind it anyways! i just hate that longing feeling of nostalgia that sort of aches and just makes me want to sit down and weep.

i'm afraid me and corey have drifted apart, i'm afraid anna and mel and i will drift apart, and i'm afraid that i've changed too much to relate to people effectively from my past. i mean, for the most part it's fine, but just seeing people at church and realizing that some of them still are obsessed about stuff that happened years ago and them assuming that i do too... it just... blah.

i have become the queen of run-on sentances. yay.

i just feel so restless. and like i'm on the edge of the precipice of change which terrifies me yet excites me. is it possible to do everything i want to do and not lose everyone i care about? i mean, how can i really stay in touch with my family if i go to work in some third world country? the prospect of isolation scares me horribly.


ANYWAY. everything isn't all doom and gloom in the land of krista. i swear. i just always get this way when some big change is happening. i'm still really excited about france, though i've become convinced kirsten is going to kill me by the end. we'll pretend that isn't true.

i have also become fairly cracked out and somehow accumulated over 4,000 songs on the ole itunes. i don't know what the hell my problem is. and it is a problem, believe me. 475 of these songs are beatles material (studio/live/bootlegs/interviews) and i fear my obsession is bad even for me. hell, at least it's something cooler than what i'm usually obsessed with. though it's sick. SICK.

the bad thing about listening to the beatles, classical music, and the other people i listen to is that i always feel like i will always suck at music and i should just give up and accept it. but, if i'm honest with myself, i don't even like singing for people that much (well, except for the beautiful and sonerous music i provide those around me with every day) and i really only learn songs because i get that "EEP YAY!!!" feeling in the pit of my stomach when i can play a song one of my heroes wrote. like i learned how to play cosmic dancer by t. rex (it's ridiculously easy... be not impressed) and i was very giddy.

on the subject of feeling inadequate, i also feel like i can't really write. i mean, i can write in my style but i feel like it's fairly simplistic and straightforward. i mean, i can write more "wooo what is going oooon" stuff but it's always depressing. i was thinking of posting a story i wrote, but i don't feel like exposing myself like that.

GAH i despise myself when i reread this shit. i am so fucking self-involved and obsessed with stupid crap. i just want to be normal... too bad i'm pretty sure "normal" doesn't exist at all.

geez, why don't i just title my journal: "ANGST CENTRAL: come here if you want to read massive amounts of bitching!" do i complain too much? i mainly just make observations, i think. maybe. possibly. not really.


i'm trying to like myself. i really am. i hope it's not so hard for other people...

most of my entry titles seem to be beatles' song lyrics as of late. and two updates in the span of TWO DAYS? madness. pure, unadulterated, concentrated MADNESS!!

i don't even really have anything useful to say, except, you know, my normal little anecdotes and pearls of wisdomy goodness. i am still stoked for summer. i still haven't puked again, and i think the sickness has left me! huzzah!!! i ate a whole meal today!!!! it was amazing!!!!!! so many exclamation points!!!!!!!!!

anyhoo, i'm feeling quite a lot bit better though i feel as if i have narcolepsy because i want to sleep aaaaaall the time. like right now, for instance, which is part of the reason why i am updating so i don't take another 4 hour nap. i COULD study for spanish, but i fear that wouldn't help me with my tiredness situation.

i was stupid yesterday and bought two rings with my nonexistent funds. but they're prettyyyyy and they make me feel all bohemian and artistic. and i wore my beatles shirt today which contributed to such feelings. anyways, it was only $15, but i need to not spend ANY MORE MONEY until i go to france.

ah, le france. kirsten and i started planning for the affair and the excitement... oh, how it grows. i am totally going to napoleon's tomb. bwahaha. i'm fairly sure the french are actually going to beat my ass down beacuase i am borderline retarded at their impossible language. luckily, kirsten has taught me even more phrases, so maybe i won't die!

phrases i now know in french:
"where is paris?"
"where is the library?"
"i am canadian."
"I am from toronto."
"where is my breakfast?"
"i do not speak french."
"do you speak english?"
"i am the prince of darkness."
"i will eat your soul."
"i am a french revolutionary!"
"i love to dance the hokey pokie."
"what are you doing??"
"help me because i am a monkey!"
"shit!"

... ok, so maybe i am going to die. no matter. maybe they'll think i'm funny? or possibly just a raging jackass. i fear it will most likely be the latter. i can't help it that their language cannot be pronounced. i mean, how many fucking letters do they need? it hurts my brain. i have to have everything spelled out for me phonetically.

in other news, anna, mel and i are going to the beach and i am so excited i just might pee my pants. fo' realz.

COOL SHIT THAT I AM DOING THIS SUMMER:
~le france
~seeing spamalot with my soulmate
~possibly raping conan? (that may happen over my next winter break)
~the beach with anna and mel
~beach with the fam
~going to richmond to visit kirrrrsten with amanda (hopefully no massive car wrecks will result from this journey)
~just BEING HOME

KIND OF LAME SHIT I HAVE TO DO:
~work (yay for enclosed spaces with artificial lighting and A/C making it feel like it is the fucking arctic!)
~driving in the van (could be awesome! if we ignore the fact that the A/C is broken... and it makes a high-pitched squealing noise... and the speakers don't really work... and the radio is kinda fucked up... hmm...)
~the branson, MO family reunion for the fultons (could be alright... chillaxing with my g-rents will be fun except the rest will probably blow majorly)

but, looking at these lists, the good outweighs the bad, thus making the summer LE AWESOME!!!

i need to stop putting "le" before everything... except it seriously makes me giggle every time i do it. am i easily amused? perhaps. or am i just too funny that even i have to laugh at myself? you be the judge.

... only don't tell me the truth. my delusions are all that stands between me and madness. MADNESS.

i just like writing "madness." doesn't help that i'm listening to magical mystery tour and have food in my system for the first time in a week. paul mccartney makes me ridiculously happy.

they all do, actually. the members of the beatles, that is. i think i may just have to travel back to the 70's when all of the beatles were still alive, monty python was in their hayday, queen was around, as was led zeppelin, pink floyd, t-rex... ah, le sigh. i would wish to be alive during the 60's because i think overall 60's culture was more interesting (yay civil rights work!) and then i could have seen the beatles live and together, but let's face it... once their music got the best, they stopped really touring all that much. except i would have killed to be alive during their rooftop concert. and be in england. oh well.

i was so born in the wrong decade. what the fuck?

well, the movies sucked back then for the most part anyways. so did tv. so uh... yay for being a generation x-er! am i part of generation x? or am i a part of some new fan-dangled generation that hasn't been dubbed as anything yet?

i just looked up what our generation is on wikipedia, and let me just say the terms are officially LAME. generation y? the google generation? The Net Generation? Millennials? Echo Boomers? stupid. x is a much cooler letter than y. and all the rest of those terms are too obvious. except for millennials. i almost like that one.

here's the article in case you're interesting in seeing what the world will remember our generation as... it's kind of depressing:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_Y

i wish i was old so i had a reason to bitch about kids these days. i suppose, technically, i'm not a kid anymore, but i mostly want to bitch about people my age... which makes me sound obnoxious and negative. i'm more just annoyed. can you be just generally annoyed without people thinking that you're a negative person? my anger is what keeps me upbeat. i could just be depressed.

weeeell, it would seem that i effectively wrote a very long passage about next-to nothing! yessss.

i swear, i can't not write long entries. it's like the french protecting their belgium borders... it just isn't done!! oh ho ho, politicial/historical jibes. how you amuse me. heck yes to humor relating to french ineptitude during the second world war. and first, technically, but to be fair the germans hadn't pulled that trick on them before at that time.

ah, the nerdiness reigns supreme.

ok, i'm going to go aaaand... study? or watch boy meets world? hmm. quite the choice.

if you truly want a recap of what's been happening the past few days (en detaile (no, i don't know what language that is)) then continue ( on... )



aaaaaaaand now we're actually on today! it has been about 72 hours since the last puke-fest and i actually ate a whole bagel yesterday so perhaps i'm not dying after all.

so, tis been quite a while since i last updated... i went home, went to church for the first time on an actual sunday since being gone and did the whole easter she-bang. church was... weird. seeing kids i know growing up (such as colin) and how much fucking TALLER everyone is than me is depressing and weird. and then seeing old friends looking the same and basically BEING the same is even weirder. i didn't really know how to deal with people, which wasn't helped by my general spaciness due to lack of food intake.

i'm actually a little freaked out because i literally have not eaten much over the past couple of days. over the past.... 5 days, i've eaten, thrown up that food, eaten, thrown it up again, and then barely eaten and somehow (miraculously) not thrown it up. so since last wednesday, i've probably eaten the equivilant of two meals that have actually stayed in my body. not cool.

so saturday was basically the day from hell, even though it was nice because my daddy stayed home with me and we watched the history channel together and talked for a good couple of hours. as we watched a program on the atom bomb, i started like... interrograting my dad about what it was like growing up during the heat of the cold war (har har, oxymoron). it was really interesting to hear and so weird to know that my dad was actually ALIVE while all that shit was going down. i hope my kids think it's cool that i was alive during some serious shit as well.

the worst part about this weekend was the fact that i didn't get to see melissa. i mean, what the fuck body??? the ONE WEEKEND that i would actually get to see her, and i throw up for the first time in two fucking years. i don't blame her at all for not wanting to risk catching THE DISEASE (as it is now dubbed), but i was pathetically sad about it all. i just want the summer to come so i can just be normal again.

as most people are saying in their ole el jays, school pretty much needs to end RIGHT NOW. psychology is still interesting and i feel like i'm doing well in it, but i honestly could not give less of a rat's ass about the rest of these classes. personal wellness has been officially given up on, spanish... well, i'm actually trying harder in spanish so i can swing a b. in speculative fiction we're actually reading a GRAPHIC NOVEL, which is lame and stupid and i'm not a 9-year-old boy. gcom is stupid review. blahZAY, i hate working and i just want to get out of here, go to france, and be home.

i am excited about france though. we were going through stuff yesterday and i actually cackled maniacally when i read about the catacombs. there are rows of SKULLS and like piles of spinal disks and shit! and bone art!!! it is morbid and creepy and incredibly cool. and i'm going to some snooty parisian squares where i will run around saying "help me because i am a monkey!" which i learned how to say last night.

and we're going to the erotica museum. mwahahah.

i have signed up for classes next semester. i ended up switching my theater class (which was introductory and lame) for an art history class! it's rennaissance to the present so i'm stoked because i know a lot for that already and i'm really interested in it. i'm also taking the justice 200 course, history past 1650, the nature of mathematics (bleh), and the medieval western culture... thing. i don't really know what it is, but it fulfills a gened requirement. and it's with a crazy old woman.

sooooooo easter (i'm really jumping around, aren't i?). my aunt (who is pregnant again... with twins... at age 51... MAN they are the poster children for invitro!), my uncle, eli, and grandmama all came to our house which was fun. eli is seriously such a cute kid and just chillaxing with my family while not puking was fantastic even though i couldn't eat anything. is it weird that i really do enjoy just being with my family? there's just something so comforting in it and gah i dunno. keri and i get along so well and my parents are so cute and i just miss them.

my family is so abnormally functional. it's a miracle.

anyway. i saw a rendition of hamlet last night called quinnopolis vs. hamlet. it was... very weird. basically it was two guys putting on hamlet except it was the sort of play-within-a-play deal and was very artsy. they only had a box and some props and themselves. it was pretty cool and reminded me of rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead, only without as much plot or making as much sense. and they never explained what quinnopolis was. oh well. both guys played all the parts (both of them were hamlet, though one guy focused on being ophelia (hahahaha) and the other one was claudius and then they had a mop that was getrude...) and it was interesting. they described their play as a sort of jazz-interpretation of hamlet.

however weird it was, the two guys in it were SO FUCKING IN LOVE it almost made me squeal out loud at how cute it was. thus making me feel like a total girl. but no matter. they were like, practically kissing half the show. even though they weren't really supposed to be. adorable. and they were both really good actors, giving me the impression that either they were hopped up on something or just really into it. and each other. hehe.

ok, stopping now.

i have yet to shower today, which seems to have become my mantra. i am so gross. kill meeeeeee...

i think i'm going to go and do that. oh right, and write my psych thing. definately forgot about that. er... yeah.

goodbye, chilluns.

i hate it when i go through my "i'm a talentless hack" phase. was it just a few days ago that i felt like maybe i could be good at something? blah. i just feel so mediocre. maybe it's just because i'm expectations are too high...

i'm not taking a turn onto negative street. this is a FUNK. nothing more. my feelings of worthlessness are just the beast of insecurity rearing its ugly and annoying head. i shall slay it with a sword of obnoxious optimism! tally-ho! uh... press on!

haha, i immediately jumped to thinking "run away! run away!" oh, monty python. your genius pervades all i do.

in other news, i have figured out that i can, in fact, go on a semester at sea trip and STILL GRADUATE ON TIME! glory glory, praise be. it is a miracle, i tells ya. and after reading crap about it, i have become unreasonably excited. to the point of wetting myself.

i mean, check out this itinerary:
( ITINERARY, you say? why, come this way! )

i highly doubt i would do the summertime one, seeing as i have no funds and that one goes to the most US-based locations. BUT it goes to russia, which is amongst the places i dream of venturing. hopefully, though, if all goes to plan, i'll be able to go there in a few summers. and with going to nicaragua again next summer (probably) and going to france... my plan on visiting every country seems like something obtainable.

AND I'D GET TO GO TO VIETNAM!!! i just did a little jig in my seat. of course, the whole time i'd be there, i'd say "vi-et nam" like forrest gump, but surely they'll forgive me. espcially seeing as they don't speak the english. hopefully the french will be just as kind to me for putting "le" before everything, screaming "je suis canadien!!" (did i spell it right FINALLY, melissa?!?!), and raving about croissants and napoleon.

now i know what you're saying kids... "but krista, what happened to the master plan of going to britain to meet your future hubby and finally fufill your life dream of pretending to be british?" THAT, my friends, is what the summer is for. and the summer study-abroad programs are for. and yes, none of you will ever see me again.

...sorry.

i have also discovered that i am painfully embarassed to play the guitar in front of anyone. and that i play it too hard... like i'm strumming a fucking rage against the machine song. alas, i cannot help it. perhaps my future lies within an angsty punk/emo band. unfortunately i think they would all despise me for being "too happy" and for mocking them for being "whiney-assed, white-boy pussies who can't play and wouldn't know good lyrics if they stripped naked and raped their grandmother right in front of them."

le sigh. will the musical community ever accept me? i fear not really. though folk is making a bit of a comeback via jack johnson and friends. i find a lot of the folk-esque music nowadays quite bland though. singing about vegetarianism and drinking... like O.A.R. i know they're not folk per say but they are a little bit of a throwback to the good old days. which i appreciate. but most of their subject-matter just seems soooo... bland. i like a little motion in the ocean, a little passion in the... assion. and things of that nature. it's the same problem i have with jesus-rock. well, that and the fact that it SUCKS and would make jesus cry... but that's another issue.

see, that's why i like PUSA. they're fucking HAPPY. sure it's not deep, but joy is a form of passion. and i like anger, just more like... ragged, pete-townsend-screaming-into-his-microphone anger, not this "blah i hate my parents so i'm going to bellow into this microphone like a wookie in heat" shit.

what, me, rant? pfft, nooo. oh, and i'm not knocking down OAR, fyi. just an opinion of mine. i can still see the appeal there... i've just become enamored with the days of old which clouds my vision.

and there we have reason #9802983403 of why i am an old woman.


i think i need to stop talking about being an old woman... i'm starting to think it's true. and... it's not, really. i don't think. i'm just weird and get things that sometimes older people get. and have arthritis.

... nevermind. i'm and old lady. hand me some cats and something to crochet.


pretty sure that's spelled wrong.


WOW. totally was going to have a short entry. oh wellz! if you read that whole thing... kudos. aaaaaaand i'm off to bed to dream about, oh i don't know, eddie izzard giving a blowjob to tony blair all while listening to tony braxton playing the harp because my DREAMS ARE ON CRACK. and did i just chose those names at random? why, yes... i did. and each of those men would be horrified at such an image. except for maybe eddie... except he would probably resent being paired with blair. oh well.



just in case you were wondering (which you most likely weren't: the icon is in honor of me stuffing my face with kirsten's weird-as-shit-yet-still-delicious coldstone concotion that she brought back from work. god bless friends with food-related jobs.


ETA: oh right, this is some stupid shit that has been sitting on my computer for ages but i haven't closed the windows so i still have them.
( ENJOY THE CRAP! )

i would like it if i was joking, but unfortunately that is not the case. i am having a very off-day and in an odd way as well... i'm not sick in any sense, but i can feel the rain in my bones, my lips are chapped like crazy, and i have a bunch of cancre sores. and cancre sores SUCK majorly. i mean, at this age, any time you're like "ow, this cancre sore sucks" people are like "ya sure ya don't have herpes? hyuck hyuck hyuck" and then i am forced to drop-kick them in the face. i hate being forced into drop-kicking.

i have also been incredibly lazy today and have basically given up on being studious. i mean, what's the point? graduate school? jobs? pishaw. you take your man-serving mumbo jumbo and SHOVE IT, capitalism. i'm going to live in a commune. except by myself. and with like... tv and stuff. hell, i was raised in a westernized culture. WHAT CAN BE EXPECTED OF ME???

so i'm attempting yet again to not kill froederick. we have such a love/hate relationship... BLOWS THE MIND. i'm not really concentrating on what i'm writing... can you tell? and i have yet to eat because i am too lazy to go and get food. i've reached a new low.

maybe i do have herpes... then i could be all badass and like "hell yes i'm a slut... oh wait, i probably got it from shaking that kid's hand... and then LICKING my FINGERS! yeah, i am sooo hardcore."

i have stopped following my own train of thought. bwahahaha.

oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUBREY!!!!!! i'm totally sending you something... but, like, it's not postmarked as your birthday. but whateve, man. we still gots da lurve.

i am soooo lightheaded. i think what's being demonstrated here is what it would be like for me to update whilst drunk. only less spelling errors. maybe i am drunk! you don't know! i could be! it would be true if by "drunk" i meant "exhausted from not sleeping or eating."

j/k. of course i eat. duh.

i saw v for vendetta which was pretty sweet. natalie portman's acting was good except i was all "dude, i am an expert and that girl is SO not british" but compared to the shitshow that was her performance in the star wars movies this was oscar-worthy. and them calling him "v" all the time sounded stupid to me. but i love dystopias so i was stoked.

half my hall may have mono. which means it's only a matter of time... but we won't think that way.

um, i just used a q-tip in my ear and there was purple string in there. that really worries me that a.) i had purple string in my EAR and b.) i didn't notice.

ok, i have to read the kin of ata are waiting for you, which will be SINTILATING, i know... and ignore i love toys on VH1. such a fucking evil channel.

...i just reread this entry and sorry for the INSANE amount of ramblage. but if we're friends then you're used to it. and if we're not friends... STOP READING THIS RIGHT NOW, YOU CREEPY STALKER. YES, I MEAN YOU.

i love that song. office space is pure joy. too bad i can't sing the rest of the song without sounding like a racist cracker. :-(

haha... "cracker."

anyway, i have mucho exciting news! I MET JIM GAFFIGAN!!!! he was a really nice guy except i felt bad for him because i was pratically vibrating from excitement and obviously incapable of speech. i was also losing my voice because i had been laughing so much so i probably sounded like one of those rapsy-voice girls who do it because they think it sounds hot. le sigh.

( THE PROOF ONCE MORE!!! )

his act was great, and even though i had seen a lot of the material before seeing him in person was fantastico. i'm just bummed i didn't shake his hand. some kid got him to sign an actual hot pocket. he was like "MINE'S PERISHABLE!!! LET ME THROOOUGH!!!" and then this other kid had croissant hot pockets package and gaffigan said "oooh, FANCY, aren't we?"

now maybe people will stop staring at me funny when i run around screaming "HOT POCKETS!!" in a weird voice. maybe.

i've decided that i need to update this thing more often because the super-entries-of-death are a bit long even for my taste. and then i leave something out and someone or other bitches at me about it and then i have to pretend to care. but if i update more often i can just be like "um it's in my NEXT entry! der!" and thus shame them into silence.

i found a t-shirt that says "pedro lack political experience." i may buy it as a symbol for my annoyance at all things napoleon dynamite. yes, the movie was funny at times, but overall it was just an awkward kid getting overexasperated. and i see that every day when i look in the mirror.

OOOH. SELF-BURN?

i also found a shirt that says "you died of dysentary" with a covered wagon. AWESOME MUCH? i think "yes".


ok, i have to get ready to go to a passport event about careers in the environment. maybe one of the speakers knows my dad. or will not incredibly boring? somehow i fear both hopes shall be crushed beneath the iron sole of defeat.

bye chiles.

it's been 4 days since meat besides fish has touched my lips... i'm actually afriad that this is going to make me GAIN weight rather than lose it because the fish/non-meaty foods here are all fried or heavily-laden with some type of sauce. ick. whatever... i'm trying.

i think this is the first ash wednesday in my life that i haven't been to a service... weird. i thought about it today. i figured my wearing of the anti-death penalty shirt today would be a good enough thing for jesus. fuck ashes on the forehead. make a real statement, people.

so today was world abolition day (hence the t-shirt) thus marking the 100 some-odd years since a society first banned the death penalty and yet another year that the US hasn't. i wore mine in honor of Robert Lee Miller, Jr., a black man from OK who was convicted of raping and killing two old woman until, after 10 years of being on death row, it was discovered with DNA evidence that he HADN'T done it but in fact some other psycho had. whoopsie. our bad, i guess.

anyway, i have to go get a colonoscopy/endoscopy. just when i was thinking my body couldn't get any worse... gah. turns out i may have something called cilia (or something) disease... meaning i would have a gluton intolerance and therefore not able to eat wheat, barley, or any kind of grain really. it means my immune system has again gone "oh, look, that's something friendly, LET'S DESTROY IT!" just like with my poor feet.

i was really depressed at first but i'm awaiting my various oscopies of fun before i jump to conclusions.

BAH.

really, i'm fine. ish.

ok, well, it's fucking late and i actually should get up tomorrow. stupid classes. i'm already on break in my mind...

blue crush is oficially an annoying movie. not only are the actors bad, but the soundtrack sucks as well.

i exercized tonight... GO ME. too bad i ate like... half a box of girlscout cookies afterwards.

uh, after seeing colman mccarthy speak tonight i'm actually thinking of becoming a vegetarian. surprised? so am i.

oh right:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=funkyfreeek86
go there if you want to be cool. ish.

i'm tired so buh-bye yo.

i am pretty much dead. no joke, my homies. i went to bed at about 6 in the AM last.... night, and then got up at 5 til 10 so i had to literally run to class. i have not showered in two days and i really think that i am starting to qualify for the title of "grossest person alive".

dude, my bonsai is dumb. it's like "hey, i'm just gonna chill here, don't bother watering me, i'm cool." so i'm all "uh, froederick, you don't look so good. i'm going to water you," and he's like "NOOOOOO." so i do it and he somehow looks worse. maybe i was wrong in half-naming him after an evil dictator. but come on, froederick ho chi min is a kickass name.

to transfer or not to transfer? that is the question. whether tis nobler to thus take the existence of thine roommate and so snub it or to find solace in alternate bosoms of academia?

ah, hamlet so owns me. love love love.

i was watching bobsledding today and one of the sleds COMPLETELY wiped out. i was horrified yet entertained. i haven't watched the olympics at all, seeing as i am pissed that they are taking place like a mile from where i lived last year. silly italians. i miss you and your pasta-loving ways.

there are cosmopolitan glasses with sugar on them like... rotting on my shelf. so much for being cleanly. i'll fix the room once christine leaves.

( what i did instead of writing my paper last night... )

ok, i am off to take a nap in order to try and live again. maybe being well-rested will make me less homicidal towards spanish professor from hell. bah.

ok, quick update:

i'm feeling a bit better (rage is always better than depression), i am fairly convinced that anna and melissa are indeed my soulmates and it is really too unfortunate that we are all straight women, dick cheney shot some guy in the face which has pretty much made my entire life seem worthwhile, i have discovered that somehow i have fallen into the indie genre without even realizing it and i resent it which makes me even more indie and it is a horrible cycle which can only end in tears, i've watched too much sex and the city so now i of course am thinking of myself like a fat cow who will never get married and will die a virgin because all the women are fucking gorgeous yet i cannot stop watching, i have met not only a writers-block but an entire-life-block since i still maintain my unmotivatedness, i am rather fond of this run-on sentence, and i have no classes tomorrow.

whew. and i am off to bed where i shall sleep soundly next to my pile of bottles, strangely virulent bonsai, and rotting banana until christine stumbles in drunkenly and i am forced to shoot her in the face with a shotgun. pray for my sanity.

i am so entirely unmotivated to do work that i revamped my whole journal. how sad is that... i have to get something done, yet it doesn't seem to be happening. oh, woe to those who toil on stupid past-times.

after a week of not watering froederick, he still lives. i water him, he suffers. i ignore him and he flourishes. bastard... stupid not-needing-me bastard.

i saw when a stranger calls and subsequently shit myself. it was too stressful. i sat in the fetal position towards kari with my sweater over my head.

during the movie:
kari: i hate them for making us see this.
me: i know... i hope amanda and kirsten die.
kari: we could be seeing curious george right now but NO.
me: yeah... i'll just think of happy monkeys... happy monkeys not being chased by psychotic killers... happy monkeeeys... happy curious monkeeeeys...

so that was fun. i also saw the shining which i have been quoting all week. seriously, tony in the kid's finger is THE BEST THING EVER. and i keep yelling "REDRUM" in his weird little voice. even though i was scared of jack nicholson (he is a BAD BAD MAN) i still found myself attracted to him. am i disturbed? i think yes.

after we watched when a stranger calls, we watched love actually because we definately needed some happiness. during the film, we kept making alan rickman's character say snape-ish things, especially towards the whore who hits on him during the whole movie. like... "10 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR BEING A SLUT!" "10 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR BEING A WHORE!" "10 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR WASTING MY TIME!" "10 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR SERVING SATAN!" "10 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR BEING VOLDEMORT'S LOVE-SLAVE!" and so on. i eventually quoted sbp by saying "10 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR DESTROYING MY SOUL!" which we all thought was funny but i failed to mention that it was from a slashfic i am obsessed with. i tend to not share my utmost insanity with people until it is completely necessary. but kari likes blackadder, so we may have a future together.

i am, as they would say, "royally fucked". i have an essay to write yet tonight. my mind is a complete blank. tabula rasa.... but not in a "ready to be written on" way... more of the "i can't think of anything" way. it's almost 3 in the morning. yes... royally fucked is the right term for it.

le sigh. night night.


PS... my new icon is my new love. oh... rent. i kiss you. my comment-thingy is even dedicated to your glory. one song. heh.

much has happened since i last updated. i have met two famous people (though to be fair i met one of them before my last entry but for some mysterious reason i failed to mention it... that could be due to the apparent tumor that is growing in my brain because i have gotten stupider*), have possibly decided what i am majoring in, have possibly figured out what the hell is wrong with my stomach, and have planned a major trip. woooot.

as far as the famous people go, i met patch adams... who was a completely crazy hippie man yet was very nice and said that bush was worse than hitler. which made me laugh. and i was completely shocked when no one stood up and screamed "BLASPHEMY!" or anything. of course he probably would have just walked up to such a person and hugged them. but i got him to sign my book and i talked to him so that was sweet, expecially since patch adams used to be one of my favorite movies.

the second person i met was ron livingston, aka peter from office space and one of sarah jessica parker's boyrfiends on sex and the city. he was here for this conference on child trafficking and exploitation (aka prostitution) because he is in a movie showcasing this issue. the people putting the movie out also decided to make a documentary about it and then also a documentary about making the movie. i am really considering getting involved with this whole thing... i mean, it's not a big step from amnesty.

anyway, as i was leaving dukes before the conference dealie because i had forgotten my cell phone and blah blah blah, i had a conversation that went something like this:
amanda: huh, i wonder why all those people are dressed up.
Me: what people.... *hit amanda very hard in the arm* HOLY SHIT, IT'S RON LIVINGSTON!
amanda: ow. what?
me: HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT... the guy from office space! you've seen it, haven't you???
amanda: yes. please stop staring, you look crazy standing there staring at him while clutching that banana.
me: i wanted to finish it! OMG IT'S RON LIVINGSTOOOON!!!
amanda: you have to get your cell phone, remember?
me: DAMMIT! AHHHHH *run back to the dorm*

after i got over my spaz attack and went to amnesty and calmed down a bit, i went to the conference and it was really awesome hearing all these hollywood types actually giving a shit about something that matters. afterwards, i talked to the head of the whole deal who's from isreal and a really awesome guy and then i talked to ron and got his autograph. i'm really proud of myself because i didn't collapse into a useless fangirlish puddle but was actually intelligent. i told him that it was really cool to see someone from hollywood who actually cares and he was all like "oh, i'm just an actor, it's the least i can do" and i was like "aaaaaaaah, let me have your children" (only that was in my head, luckily... he was quite attractive though). then he was like "oh, i don't have a pen!" because all these people had come to him for an autograph and i was like "you can keep miiiiiine"... so RON LIVINGSTON HAS MY PEN. one of the best moments of my life.

anyway, the whole experience coupled with my growing participation in amnesty has led me to really to consider majoring in justice studies focusing in global justice issues so i could fight for human rights and such as my JOB. true, i will never make money and never have a life, but i would be doing something that i could be passionate about and not feel trapped. i think it may be the answer.... dr. cohen (our professor guy for amnesty) is the head of that department i think, so i could be like "sup cohen? wanna HOOK ME UUUUP?" he already thinks i am a goof... so i couldn't really mess it up.

so that's exciting.

so onto the ole stomach. i went to a gastro-hoobity-ha doctor (all i know is that it has "gastro" in the title) and he is pretty sure that i have... irritable bowel syndrome. which is the worst sounding syndrome ever, in my opinion. i also have something akin to acid reflux, so i get to take LOTS of medicine again. yay. he's not sure if i have any ulcers, but we're going to see how the regiment of taking the medicine goes and then, if it doesn't work, i'll have to get both an endoscopy and a colonoscopy. yay. let's keep our fingers crossed i don't... but i'm just glad he wasn't like "HOLY SHIT, YOU HAVE STOMACH CANCER!" i'm fine with IBS and ulcers as long as i'm not dying.

and now, on to the REALLY exciting news. I AM GOING TO FRANCE FOR 8 DAYS IN MAAAAY!! yes, exciting doesn't even describe it. i'm already nervous about flying, which is stupid but i can't help it and i'm worried about my absolute ignorance of the french language. like... i can't pronounce anything. i sound like i am a two-year old with several severe learning disabilities. but whatever.

SHIT I WANT TO DO EN FRANCE:
~see victor hugo's house/burial place
~run around the bastille
~make friends with some old french people
~go to the palace of versailles and run around yelling about louis XIV
~see where oscar wilde died
~go to the eiffel tower and possibly record some sort of movie there (i am bringing my camera... bwahaha)
~be an art whore at the louvre and the d'orsay (an impressionist museum with van gogh and monet and renoir... aaah, i am peeing myself just thinking about it) and possibly go to the salvador dali museum place because he was one crazy mofo and it would be funny
~go to the moulin rouge and yell about how much i hated the movie
~sing les miz so much that all the french will kill me
~find all the places napoleon went to and be a history whore
~do the same with all the cathedrals
~run around notre dame and sing that pretty song the gypsy sings in that movie while standing in front of a stained glass window
~eat a baget and a crossiant and cackle about it
~see napoleon's tomb
~find somewhere where robespierre chilled and document it
~go shopping/discotequing
~butcher the french language beyond any repair until the french flee before me so they don't have to hear their language tortured mercilessly

well, we can hope kirsten can assist me in not having the french kill me. kirsten and i are now not only wingmen, we are travel buddies! bwahaha. we shall own france with an iron fist. all while pretending to be canadian. so yeah, if anyone has any suggestions of other places to go and the like, please, share. hopefully kirsten won't leave me because i know about 6 phrases in french... such as "where is the library?" "I don't know." "Where is Paris?" "Were is toilet?" "Do you speak english?" "Shit!"... i don't really think the last one counts, since it's really just a word. but yeah, i am seriously screwed if she decides to leave me.

well, i am going to do spanish work and try to stay awake. aur voir mon amis. wow, i suck at this language...



*DISCLAIMER: i don't actually have a tumor or think brain cancer is funny. unless dick cheney has it. and sorry for how disjointed this entry is... i can't really read right now or write. so if any of these setences make sense, i will be happy.